With My Eyes

"I admit I once lived by rumors of you; now I have it all first-hand - from my own eyes and ears." Job 42:5


You see things about him on TV.  You hear of him on the radio.  You read about him in magazines and on the internet.  But all you know are rumors of him.  You've never met him face to face.  You've never experienced life with him.  You've never had an eye witness account of his life or what your life would be like with him.

You may thing I'm talking about Hollywood's hottest star or the newest act on the music scene.  But I'm not.  I'm talking about the most Holy, almighty God. Creator of heaven & earth.  But all you know of Him is what you hear from others.  What you take away in the one hour a week you sit in church.  What you get out of the obligatory "bless this meal" prayer.  But you don't have first hand knowledge of Him.  You've heard stories of what He's done for others, but never had your own landmark experience.

Job was a godly man - the godliest man of his time.  And God allowed satan to test him.  To try him.  To strip everything and everyone he held dear away from him.  And Job passed the test with flying colors.  But here's what I find interesting in that whole story.  Job is referred to as the most influential man in the east in Job 1.  God said Job hated evil.  He was a godly man.  But, by Job's own admission, he only knew rumors of God before he faced his trials.

How many of us only know rumors of God? How many of us have settled for the bare minimum of knowing rumors without experiencing God first hand? Job, in all of his godliness, didn't have a face to face knowledge of God until he experienced God's presence in his heartache.  Until it was down to the nitty gritty of life, Job had only known God through other people's experiences.

But once Job knew God for himself, once Job experienced God for himself, his relationship and perspective greatly changed.  See, once you experience God for yourself, you're never the same.  And you don't even have to have a "Job" experience to get there.  God waits everyday in the everything to share himself with you.  You don't have to lose everything to find Him.  You don't have to experience loss to find Him.  You just have to look in the everyday.

It's not enough to be satisfied with rumors of who He is.  It's not enough to be satisfied with second-hand accounts of what He accomplishes.  Dig in!  Learn first-hand!  See with your own eyes, hear with your own ears the love He wishes to lavish upon you.

In the Fog

Fog.  It's my least favorite driving condition.  Pair it with some rain and I'm all but done for.  And earlier this week it's exactly what I had to drive in.  The kind of fog where you can barely see the front of your own car.  I'll be honest.  That kind of driving makes me feel claustrophobic.  I literally have to fight off panic and the urge to just pull over and stop driving until the fog clears.  But as is normal for our mornings, I was running a little behind and didn't have time to pull over and wait it out.

As I struggled to find an indicator of where the next closest car was to me on the highway, I prayed for God to just let me see the lights of the nearest car.  Just some indication of how near I was to the closest car.  After what felt like an eternity (but was probably just a few seconds) I finally saw that faint glow of tail lights ahead of me.  And the panic subsided.

And then God spoke to me.  My drive reminded me of those times in life when I feel like I'm wandering in a fog.  I know I'm on a path to somewhere, but can't see anything around me.  I don't know which way to go, I can't see the path.  And I pray desperately for a light.  Just a glimmer of light to move towards so that I know where to go.  Just like I struggled to see the light while driving in the fog, I've struggled in the fog to see a glimmer of light to know where God is.  I search for what seems like an eternity and then finally it happens.  I see just a glimpse of that guiding light to let me know which way to go, to let me know how close I am to the next step.  And the panic subsides.  The fear of the unknown is gone because the Light, however faint it may be, is showing me the way.  As long as I stay focused on the light, there's peace.  Just that glimmer of light is all I need to get through the fog and to the clear blue skies where the road is more clearly seen.

What if it was me?

Over the last week there's been a lot of conversation surrounding the death of Whitney Houston.  Sadness, memories, admiration, speculation, criticism.  Whitney Houston lived a very public life, with successes and failures well documented and publicized.  Some would say that her life in her last years had been a train wreck.  I think her life in the last years was human.

As I've watched people express criticisms of her life over the last week through social media outlets, I've had one consistent thought.  What if my life were lived under the scrutiny that Whitney's life had been? What if every failure of my life were not only known by my family or close friends but the world? What if every time I fell short, it made headlines? Some would say that it was a part of the life that comes with celebrity.  But at what point does it become acceptable to publicly throw stones? Yes, she made mistakes in her life.  Some with greater consequence than others.  But so have I.  And so have you.

I've reflected on some of my shortcomings in life this last week.  Some of my "bigger" ones, especially.  What if, in those times when I was at my lowest, a national spotlight had been placed on me? What if my private failure became a public frenzy? How would I have handled things? What if, every time I turned around, there were constant reminders of my past, my failures? What if some of those closest to me enabled my downward spiral rather than lifting me up?

Those thoughts and questions have made me see the life and death of Whitney Houston much differently.  I've felt such a great amount of compassion for her hurting heart and life cut short.  I've been grateful, that when I've been in a "train wreck" in my life, I've been surrounded by people who encourage me and help me get back on the right track.  I've been grateful that I haven't had a spotlight.  I've been grateful that there aren't videos from cell phone cameras & photos from paparazzi to constantly remind me of past I've worked to overcome.  I've been reminded that there but by the grace of God go I.  I've been keenly aware that I'm in no position to cast a stone just because my shortcomings haven't garnered media attention.

I'm grateful that I as I grow older God is teaching and instilling compassion in me and the ability to see others with just a glimpse of how He does.  And I pray that, some day down the road, when I (or you) fall short again...because we all will...that compassion and not stones are what I find waiting.

Not Just Today

I'm not all that girly of a girl in a lot of ways.  Days like today, Valentines Day, don't really do a lot for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm human...I love a little extra attention and I'll take any excuse for a present.  But I'm not sentimental about the day.  It can come and go without any acknowledgement and I wouldn't bat an eye.  But that's because I'm married to someone who doesn't wait for one day a year to make me feel special.  On almost a daily basis he says things, does things, shows me that he loves me.  He makes me feel special.  He shows me that I'm his one and only.  In small ways all throughout the year (and a few big ones, too!) he invests in me, in us through the way he loves me.

I'd much rather feel the love everyday just because he wants to show it than to only really have it expressed on a few days a year, when it's an expectation or obligation.

I wonder how many of us treat our relationship with God the way we treat Valentines Day.  Do we have one day a year (maybe for you it's Christmas, Easter or Mother's Day...or the day after a crisis strikes) where we go all in? Where we go above a beyond to make up for a year's worth of neglect. Where we do all of the things we should have been doing all along and promise that we'll do better this next year.

I can't help but think that God would like us to realize that, while he loves our affections, our grand gestures once or twice a year aren't what he's after.  Just like my husband invests daily in our relationship, God desires that daily investment from us.  Just as the daily investment from my husband grows our relationship, so our daily investment in our relationship with God grows our relationship with him.  With any relationship, the strength comes in the day to day investment, not the once a year big things.

Imagine how our marriages, our relationships would grow if we made daily investments in them.  Imagine what God could do in us and through us if we made daily investments in Him.  Make the daily investments.  Not just in your marriage and other relationships, but in your relationship with God.

What's Your Manna?

Have you ever had manna? Probably not in the literal form, as the children of Israel did on the journey to the Promised Land.  That was food sent from Heaven to the Israelites as they traveled through the wilderness after fleeing Pharaoh & the tyranny of Egypt.  It was a gift from God to nourish them in that wilderness place.  And it sustained them for the entire 40 years that they wandered in the wilderness.

So, I'll ask again...have you ever had manna? Maybe this will make it easier to answer.  Have you ever felt like you were wandering in a wilderness place in life? Like you're in a place where God seems distant? Like you've been left in a dry and desolate place for a purpose that isn't yet clear? But you have manna.

You have blessings that, when God first sent them to you, you cherished them, appreciated them, were thankful for them.  But as you wander in the wilderness, the realization of blessing wears off.  Like the children of Israel, what was once clear evidence of God's provision, care and blessing has now become normal, everyday and mundane.  But it's still manna.

It's still heaven sent blessing to nourish your body, your spirit, your emotions, your soul.  It hasn't changed. But your view of it has.  What it has the potential to provide you hasn't changed, but what you allow it to provide you isn't the same anymore.

So, one more time...have you ever had manna? Have you been blessed with a spouse who walks unfailingly with you through your wilderness? Do you have children who bring new life to your home daily? Do you have friends, or even just one friend, who stand by your side regardless of the wilderness you face? Do you have a roof over your head? Food on your table? A God who never leaves your side?

If you can answer yes to even one of these (although I'm betting you can answer yes to several...and come up with some of your own!) then you've had manna.  No, you have manna.

As you journey through your own personal wilderness, take notice of the manna.  Make a list of your own personal manna.  Cherish your manna.  Fix your eyes on your manna, not on your wilderness.  As you journey through your wilderness, with full awareness of the blessing of your manna, know that, just as God did for the children of Israel, He will sustain you with manna through your entire journey to your Promised Land.

Four

February 1, 2008.  It's a day that changed my life forever.  It's the day my princess, Addison Lynn Bates, entered the world.  The day should have told us much about her personality...she didn't come when everyone was there and ready, she took her sweet time and waited until everyone went to get some much needed dinner.  And then commanded everyone's return by her presence.

Over these last 4 years, she has blessed our family tremendously.  And she has changed me (and continues to change me) almost daily.  She has not only tested the limits of my patience, but stretched my capacity for patience.  She has taught me that not all battles are worth fighting.  She has helped me put structure in our lives.  She has taught me to not take life quite so seriously.  She drives me to do better, to be better.  She's been a mirror for my bad habits and personality flaws and the inspiration to change them.

Her faith in God to answer a prayer immediately convicts me to the core and strengthens my prayer life.  Her fascination with the details in the seemingly mundane and everyday things has taught me to slow down and really see what's around me.

She always has a plan.  She always has a story.  And she always has some sass.  Ok, she always has a LOT of sass!  She has a quick wit and she knows how to use it.  She doesn't open up to everyone, but those she does open up to, she opens up to completely and with her whole heart.

She challenges me to grow as a mom, a wife, a person, a woman of God.  Her very existence causes me to want to elevate my standard of living.  At 4 years old, she's already taught  me a lifetime of lessons.  And brought more laughter (and a few gray hairs) than a lot of people have in a lifetime.

Sweet Addi Lynn, you are an amazing blessing to this family.  Happy birthday, Baby Girl!