Some Day...

In the last couple of weeks, I've had some extra opportunities to do fun, special stuff with the kids. And in that, God has made me keenly aware of how fleeting these moments are. My sweet boy goes into 6th grade next year. Here, 6th grade is its own campus. Not part of elementary school, but not quite middle school yet. Next year my sweet girl goes into Kindergarten. Today, they both still enjoy when I show up at the schools for something. Today, they still ask if I'll please come to the party or the field trip. Today, I don't embarrass them. Today, they'll still give me a hug and a kiss in front of their friends. They'll even both still initiate the hug or kiss. But soon those moments will become less and less. It's a natural part of the growing up process. And in a lot of ways I'm looking forward to the next stages. Where our conversations are more grown up. Where the public affection will happen less often, but have more significant meaning. Where I'll begrudgingly be allowed to tag along on a class trip. I look forward to them because I know that it's all part of growing up. It's all part of how my relationship with my kids will change and grow as they grow. I know there will be things I miss, but I know there will be unexpected things that I love, too. But today, in this moment, I love where we are. I love being there. I love being wanted. I love that their friends like me and want me around or want to be at our house. I love taking silly pictures at the bowling alley or the pumpkin patch. I love snuggling on the couch with a re-run of Good Luck Charlie. I love help in the kitchen and playing word games. I love family devotions with a kids Bible. I love late night board games with big brother after little sister is tucked in bed. I love being present. Not just being here, but being present in the every day. I love that God has allowed me to be aware of how fleeting this time is. Some day they'll grow up and need me less, need me differently. But today, this day, I'm here and I love it.

You are For Me

Yesterday was one of those days. You know the kind. Not a terrible day, but not a good day by a long stretch. One of those days where nothing big or major happens, but lots of little annoyances, little inconveniences, little frustrations. Things that, on their own, on any other day would be completely inconsequential. But add them all up together in one day and you have one of those days. Honestly, days like yesterday are the days where it's easiest for the enemy to gain a foothold in my mind. They are the days that doubt can so easily begin to creep in. They are days that I really discover what I've truly left in God's care and what I've just told God I've left in His care. And yesterday was no exception. As my little frustrations grew and my attitude faded, I began to doubt God's timing, God's direction, God's plan. But yesterday something was a little different. Beginning early in my day, God had placed things in front of me that spoke directly to the things I would be dealing with later in my day. There were tweets that caught my eye and stuck in my head. There was a short video on the internet that someone told me I had to watch. There were words of wisdom from a friend who had no idea the battle taking place in my mind. And there was one line from a song that seemingly stayed on repeat in my head. At some point in the late afternoon, one of those tweets nailed me between the eyes. It reminded me that my attitude towards all of my frustrations was my choice. As I sat and began to literally consciously choose to change my attitude, I thought about all of the little things of great consequence that God had placed in my path all day. I thought about how I had given the frustrations and annoyances more power to control my mood than little affirmations He was sending me. I realized that all day I had made the decision to choose frustration and irritation over encouragement and affirmation. And then I wondered how often I've done that in the past. How often have I simply overlooked or not acknowledged God's presence in my day in the presence of frustration? How often have I chosen the negative emotion over the encouragement and affirmation? As I thought on those things and made the choice to focus on the things of encouragement and affirmation, my outlook on my day drastically changed. And still the words of a song ran through my head. At that point I stopped and really listened to the song in my head that had been stuck there since early in the morning. "I know that you are for me" played over and over again in my head. As I played the song and said the words myself, the last of the doubt and frustration left me. If I know that He is for me, I can trust that He will always give me a reason to choose joy. If I know that He is for me, I can trust that His plan is always perfect. If I know that He is for me, I really don't have a frustration or inconvenience that I can't overcome, do I? Know that He is for YOU!

Keeping Up With...

Confession: I am one of those pinners. And if you pin, too, you know exactly what I'm talking about. If you don't pin, then here's your warning to stay away from the obsession also known as Pinterest. There are many things that I've pinned that I've actually done...recipes, treats for the kids classes, make-up tips, housekeeping tips, gift ideas. But there are many more things that I've pinned that I've never (ok, honestly that I WILL NEVER) attempt. Not because I don't think they're great things, but because they're not my thing. There's a lot on there that I love. I think it's beautiful. I think it looks fun. I think it would look great somewhere in my house. I begin to look at these things and feel envious of those who can bring those pins to life. I begin to get into that dangerous game of comparing my lack of artistic ability to the abundance of artistry filling my computer screen. I begin to feel that need to keep up with the super crafty pinners who buy modge podge (I learned what that was about a month ago) in bulk and can create a wedding worthy center piece from empty toilet paper rolls, twist ties and tissue paper. (Can you even do that? I'm sure one of you super crafty readers will put something together!) I begin to feel like I'm lacking in something because I can't keep up with these crafting queens. But why? The truth is I'd go straight out of my mind trying to replicate the detail in most of those projects. I'd fully lose my patience and half my sanity trying to create the perfect Christmas or Valentines or Thanksgiving masterpiece. And I know that about myself. But just like I sometimes feel compelled to keep up with the pinners, I think we all get trapped in keeping up with something. Maybe it's keeping up with the "stuff" that those around us have. Maybe it's keeping up with the fashion. Or the exercise trend. Or the food trends. Or the activities. Whatever it is, we can all get wrapped up in that trap. And that trap never leads anywhere but to a place of insecurity and discontentment. A place where, instead of being secure in who we are and what our strengths are, we compare our weaknesses to someone else's strengths. And that's the worst place to be. Today I'm remembering to embrace my strengths and the things that make me, me! And to remember that those who craft like crazy or have the latest of everything or best of everything or anything else that we tend to try to keep up with, are probably tempted to try to keep up sometimes, too. And really, all I need to keep up with is Me. And who God has called me to be.

Judge and Jury

We live in a society with a justice system. While sometimes flawed, it offers those who enter it the chance to prove innocence. Or at least the chance to negotiate a lighter sentence if one has no innocence to prove. As a citizen, I've often been frustrated at the process, but nonetheless, the process often works. With evidence, witnesses, law enforcement, various experts, a jury and a judge, this system leaves no stone unturned when prosecuting. The wrongdoings in all of their ugly detail are on display for all to see. And judge. And condemn. And not only for those in the courtroom, but for any who follow the story through any form of media. There are stories on the news today that, if I'm being honest, I'm acting as judge and jury on in my mind. As one of those stories made its way onto the news today and my mind harshly judged an individual for his actions and perceived lack of remorse, I felt God nudging me away from my train of thought. And towards what my life would look like if put on display in a courtroom. No, I don't have any crimes to put on display, but I certainly have shortcomings that could be put there. Shortcomings that I'd rather never have on display. Shortcomings that may change how you think of me. But don't we all have those. But as God showed me a picture of what my life on display for all to judge would look like, He also showed me what it looks like to Him. See, to Him, my life where I have memories of shortcomings looks like a slate wiped clean. Where I have a memory of failure, he has a beautiful clean canvas. Not because I wasn't "guilty", but because as my Judge, He has expunged my record. He has made new what I in my weak human nature thought I had destroyed. And if you've asked, He's done it for you. The difference in God's justice and this world's justice is that in God's justice system, your wrongdoings are wiped away. Sure, you may still deal with consequences for those things, but God no longer sees the wrong. He no longer expects, or wants, you to carry the weight of that wrong. While people and man-made justice tend to not forget, or sometimes even let you move on, God fully wipes your slate clean. If you've never known what it's like to have a clean slate, God wants you to have it. If God's given you the clean slate, but you still carry the weight of your guilt, He wants to take that from you. If man's judgement has caused you to doubt God's goodness, He wants you to know that a fresh start is yours if you simply ask. If you live a life judging others, He wants you to remember the times that His grace is the only reason your shortcoming hasn't been on public display. Ask for a clean slate today. Walk in the freedom of a clean slate. Remember that your's hasn't always been clean. Resign your position as judge and jury. And leave that to the only One who can truly do it fairly.