Make Me Aware

I love music. If you've read my blog for long, you know that God oh so often uses music to speak to me. Today was no different.

We did a song in church today by Jesus Culture (one of my favorite groups, by the way) called Holy Spirit. This song, from start to finish, is amazing. But one line, one phrase captured me today. It awakened something in me.

"Let us become more aware of your presence."

That's it. That's the line. So simple, yet for me, so profound. It doesn't say "let us feel your presence" or "draw us into your presence". It says to "become more aware".

Is it hitting you like it did me? Here's what I felt God so sweetly whisper to my spirit through that one line. "My presence is everywhere. My presence is all around you. Not just right now, in these four walls of your church. But in everything. You just have to look for me...be aware."

I was wrecked. How often do I go through my day, through my frustrations, through my ups and downs and miss His presence? How often do I pray to feel God, see God in my day then miss Him? How often do I take for granted the things around me? The things that so clearly reveal His presence...but that I just miss.

Lord, make me more aware of your presence. That presence that is always around me. That presence that surrounds me. That presence that you so long for me to see...in the everyday. In my blessing. In my struggle. The presence that I could have always experienced if I were just more aware.

Open my eyes, Father, to your presence that is ever present. Make me more aware.

My Heart, God's Desire

You know those moments when your heart's desire lines up perfectly with God's plan? That moment when God's desire is to fulfill your heart? I'm there right now.

In March of last year, I began to feel a longing like I never had before to be home. To be a wife, a mom. And not just home more. HOME. I wrestled with this for a short time...not because I didn't want to be home, but because I knew this would mean walking away from a job that I loved. But after a short time, I told my husband what God was stirring in me. After praying together, we both felt that God was calling me "home".

There were still a lot of unknowns. But with still more questions than answers, I went to my boss, my Pastor and told him of my heart's desire to be home. We worked out an agreement to reduce my days in the office to get us started. And I agreed to stick around until my replacement could be found.

Fast forward to September. I have a few blogs that I follow closely and rarely miss a post. One of those is Michael Hyatt's blog. He posted about the benefits of a virtual assistant and gave the name of the firm that he used to hire his virtual assistant. Because of several circumstances (that I confidently look back on now and know it was God's timing at work), I was still working my reduced schedule at the church. I also had not come across anything that was a fit for this new direction we felt God was taking our lives. Until this blog post. Michael Hyatt praised eaHELP and the assistant they provided him. I looked them up and sent my resume in. For the first time, I was excited about the potential to have the best of both worlds - be home for my family and supplement our income.

Fast forward...again...to November. My first interview with eaHELP. I was cautiously optimistic. This blog post could have opened the door to exactly what my heart wanted. But I was still at the church. My commitment was to stay until I had time to train my replacement.

By the end of November my replacement had been found. And I was moving forward in the interview process with eaHELP. And just like God does, my final day at the church was just 4 days before my first day with my client through eaHELP. I actually sat and cried at how faithful God is to grant us the desires of our heart. Those desires that He places in us. And if we'll walk with Him in faith, those desires that He lovingly grants.

In this second week of working for this Nashville entrepreneur, the impact of this blessing has fully hit me. This week, my sweet girl has be sick. I mean really sick. And I've been home with her. Home. And I've not missed work.

My heart's desire was to be home with my family. And supplement our income. And that's exactly where God has placed me. He's placed me smack in the middle of my heart's desire.

Do you have a heart's desire that you long to have fulfilled? Be patient. Wait on God. He wants to give it to you. It probably won't come in your timeframe. Or the way you expect it to arrive. But He wants you to have it. And when He grants it, there will be no doubt that it was Him.

It is Well

These last two weeks have been perfection. Not because everything has gone perfectly. Actually, they haven't gone perfectly at all. Or at least not as planned. But because I'm right where I need to be. A little while ago, I posted Heavy on the Bitter, Light on the Sweet. I knew the feeling would shift, but didn't know when. It has shifted. It is heavy on the sweet.

These last two weeks I've been home for Christmas break. Home. We had a beautiful Christmas. I soaked up the family time, the kids' excitement, the time. The precious time. The kids were supposed to go home with my parents after Christmas. But one with the flu and the other with an upper respiratory infection changed that. I wiped noses, cleaned bathrooms, washed and washed and washed clothes and blankets. I sanitized and sterilized every surface many times. And it was perfection. Not because my kids were sick, but because I was being mom. Not pressured by other obligations. Feeling no guilt about telling others no. Just being mom to my most precious treasures.

This New Year's week, the kids were supposed to spend time with Chad's parents. Again, plans turned upside down and shaken kept them home. As much as I know two grandma's hearts were saddened by changed plans, this mama's heart was blessed to just have time. I've relished my son's corny jokes and accidental sense of humor. I've completely soaked up my daughter's practical, 4 year old observations about the news or the weather. I've watched more Disney channel and Finding Bigfoot than I ever thought I'd have the patience to sit through. We've watched every episode of Duck Dynasty at least twice. And I've loved the sweetness of it. Every single minute of it.

I feel like the passage from Isaiah that I referenced in my last post is our theme verse for this year. He is doing a new thing. Not just in me, but in our home, in our family.

This time, these moments are heavy on the sweet. These moments are the peace like a river attending my way. These moments cause my heart to cry out, "It is well. It is well with my soul."

One Word...Round 2

Last year at about this time I posted a blog with my take on resolutions and a new outlook I had on a new year. It was called One Word. I re-read that today. And I think I did what I set out to do. I PURSUED what was close to my heart. Did I do it perfectly? No. But I was intentional about pursuing those things close to my heart.

This week, as the new year has started, one word has played over and over again in my mind. And again this year I'll have a one word focus to drive my year. This year's word is CELEBRATE: to mark with festivities or other deviation from routine.

CELEBRATE. Celebrate the positives in the kids day to day. Sound small? Well, if you're a parent, like me, who has fallen into daily routine, like me, who tends to react bigger to what's done wrong, like me...Well, this is big. This year I will be intentional about CELEBRATING what the kids do right. A clean room, a good grade, patience with the sibling, an act of kindness...whatever it is, this year those things will be celebrated. And given more weight than things done wrong. This year, I will purposefully celebrate the greatness God has placed in my two precious gifts.

CELEBRATE. Celebrate my marriage. I recognize often how greatly blessed I am with this man God has given me. And I try to consistently let him know how much I appreciate him. But sometimes in the day to day, I take little things for granted. I get caught up in that little thing that's wearing on my nerves instead of celebrating the big things that make our marriage work. I want to celebrate us. I want to focus on the countless positives and celebrate them often.

CELEBRATE. Celebrate the path we're on. 2012 brought change. It brought steps out of my comfort zone. It brought growth. And it brought the awareness that maybe the path God is leading us down is a little different than what we had in mind. This year, instead of fretting over not knowing every step or every answer, I will celebrate that my Father has a plan. He has a map for this journey. I will celebrate the fact that I can rest in the peace of knowing I don't need to see the whole map. If I stay fixed on Him, my path will never go wrong. And our path as a family will blow my mind.

CELEBRATE. Celebrate change. If you know me well or have followed this blog long at all, you know one of the greatest struggles I've faced as an adult is my absolute complete dislike of change. God has done such a work in me to just breathe. And trust. And change. This year, I won't just accept change, I will CELEBRATE change. I will trust fully that if He has brought change about, then it is best. And I will celebrate it. I will forget the things of the past and celebrate the new thing.

I will CELEBRATE this year. And in the tough times, I will intentionally find the things to celebrate. I. Will. Celebrate.

Forget the things that happened in the past. Do not keep on thinking about them. I am about to do something new. It is beginning to happen even now. Don't you see it coming? I am going to make a way for you to go through the desert. I will make streams of water in the dry and empty land. Isaiah 43:18-19