With My Eyes

"I admit I once lived by rumors of you; now I have it all first-hand - from my own eyes and ears." Job 42:5


You see things about him on TV.  You hear of him on the radio.  You read about him in magazines and on the internet.  But all you know are rumors of him.  You've never met him face to face.  You've never experienced life with him.  You've never had an eye witness account of his life or what your life would be like with him.

You may thing I'm talking about Hollywood's hottest star or the newest act on the music scene.  But I'm not.  I'm talking about the most Holy, almighty God. Creator of heaven & earth.  But all you know of Him is what you hear from others.  What you take away in the one hour a week you sit in church.  What you get out of the obligatory "bless this meal" prayer.  But you don't have first hand knowledge of Him.  You've heard stories of what He's done for others, but never had your own landmark experience.

Job was a godly man - the godliest man of his time.  And God allowed satan to test him.  To try him.  To strip everything and everyone he held dear away from him.  And Job passed the test with flying colors.  But here's what I find interesting in that whole story.  Job is referred to as the most influential man in the east in Job 1.  God said Job hated evil.  He was a godly man.  But, by Job's own admission, he only knew rumors of God before he faced his trials.

How many of us only know rumors of God? How many of us have settled for the bare minimum of knowing rumors without experiencing God first hand? Job, in all of his godliness, didn't have a face to face knowledge of God until he experienced God's presence in his heartache.  Until it was down to the nitty gritty of life, Job had only known God through other people's experiences.

But once Job knew God for himself, once Job experienced God for himself, his relationship and perspective greatly changed.  See, once you experience God for yourself, you're never the same.  And you don't even have to have a "Job" experience to get there.  God waits everyday in the everything to share himself with you.  You don't have to lose everything to find Him.  You don't have to experience loss to find Him.  You just have to look in the everyday.

It's not enough to be satisfied with rumors of who He is.  It's not enough to be satisfied with second-hand accounts of what He accomplishes.  Dig in!  Learn first-hand!  See with your own eyes, hear with your own ears the love He wishes to lavish upon you.

In the Fog

Fog.  It's my least favorite driving condition.  Pair it with some rain and I'm all but done for.  And earlier this week it's exactly what I had to drive in.  The kind of fog where you can barely see the front of your own car.  I'll be honest.  That kind of driving makes me feel claustrophobic.  I literally have to fight off panic and the urge to just pull over and stop driving until the fog clears.  But as is normal for our mornings, I was running a little behind and didn't have time to pull over and wait it out.

As I struggled to find an indicator of where the next closest car was to me on the highway, I prayed for God to just let me see the lights of the nearest car.  Just some indication of how near I was to the closest car.  After what felt like an eternity (but was probably just a few seconds) I finally saw that faint glow of tail lights ahead of me.  And the panic subsided.

And then God spoke to me.  My drive reminded me of those times in life when I feel like I'm wandering in a fog.  I know I'm on a path to somewhere, but can't see anything around me.  I don't know which way to go, I can't see the path.  And I pray desperately for a light.  Just a glimmer of light to move towards so that I know where to go.  Just like I struggled to see the light while driving in the fog, I've struggled in the fog to see a glimmer of light to know where God is.  I search for what seems like an eternity and then finally it happens.  I see just a glimpse of that guiding light to let me know which way to go, to let me know how close I am to the next step.  And the panic subsides.  The fear of the unknown is gone because the Light, however faint it may be, is showing me the way.  As long as I stay focused on the light, there's peace.  Just that glimmer of light is all I need to get through the fog and to the clear blue skies where the road is more clearly seen.

What if it was me?

Over the last week there's been a lot of conversation surrounding the death of Whitney Houston.  Sadness, memories, admiration, speculation, criticism.  Whitney Houston lived a very public life, with successes and failures well documented and publicized.  Some would say that her life in her last years had been a train wreck.  I think her life in the last years was human.

As I've watched people express criticisms of her life over the last week through social media outlets, I've had one consistent thought.  What if my life were lived under the scrutiny that Whitney's life had been? What if every failure of my life were not only known by my family or close friends but the world? What if every time I fell short, it made headlines? Some would say that it was a part of the life that comes with celebrity.  But at what point does it become acceptable to publicly throw stones? Yes, she made mistakes in her life.  Some with greater consequence than others.  But so have I.  And so have you.

I've reflected on some of my shortcomings in life this last week.  Some of my "bigger" ones, especially.  What if, in those times when I was at my lowest, a national spotlight had been placed on me? What if my private failure became a public frenzy? How would I have handled things? What if, every time I turned around, there were constant reminders of my past, my failures? What if some of those closest to me enabled my downward spiral rather than lifting me up?

Those thoughts and questions have made me see the life and death of Whitney Houston much differently.  I've felt such a great amount of compassion for her hurting heart and life cut short.  I've been grateful, that when I've been in a "train wreck" in my life, I've been surrounded by people who encourage me and help me get back on the right track.  I've been grateful that I haven't had a spotlight.  I've been grateful that there aren't videos from cell phone cameras & photos from paparazzi to constantly remind me of past I've worked to overcome.  I've been reminded that there but by the grace of God go I.  I've been keenly aware that I'm in no position to cast a stone just because my shortcomings haven't garnered media attention.

I'm grateful that I as I grow older God is teaching and instilling compassion in me and the ability to see others with just a glimpse of how He does.  And I pray that, some day down the road, when I (or you) fall short again...because we all will...that compassion and not stones are what I find waiting.