Death Does Not Mean Defeat

I'm reading this fabulous book right now (for the second time) that I am LOVING. It's by Lysa TerKeurst, called What Happens When Women Walk in Faith. It's one that's really great to do in a group setting because every chapter ends with topics for discussion or questions. I've made notes in my book {this is why I'm reading a second time...the first time I kind of skipped the "hard" work of the life application} along the way. I've written out the prayers that she instructs me to write. I've really dug in this time. I've really tried to apply this time, instead of just read. And, wouldn't ya know it, I'm getting so much more out of it this time around.

At the end of my reading today, in the chapter "Death Doesn't Mean Defeat", one of the things to do is share a time when I can look back and definitely see God at work, but at the time wondered if He had forgotten me. It says to share it with my group I'm doing the book with or with friends. Well, FRIENDS, because I've committed to doing the hard work this time, I'm sharing my story with you.

In the winter of 2002 I found myself in a place I never thought I would be. I was raised in a Christian home, with Christian teaching, at church every time the doors were open and a generally good kid. But in 2002, at the age of 23, everything I thought I knew about God and about myself was completely turned on its ear.

For two years I had been dating this guy. We were serious, but were struggling to make a long distance relationship work, yet still talked marriage and had plans for the future. We planned trips around holidays to spend time together. And a couple of months after one of those holiday trips, in January of 2002, I found out I was pregnant. Initially, my concerns were of what people would think of me, how people would react, how disappointed my family might be. But those concerns quickly faded to the background when this person I had made lifelong plans with decided being a father didn't fit in his life.

Now, not only was I unmarried and pregnant, I was single. I was scared. I was fully uncertain as to what my future held. And I was alone. I had yet to share my secret with anyone. So now I was going from, "Hey, I know this isn't what you expected, but we're having a baby" to "Hey, so I'm pregnant and single. He's not in the picture anymore". And that made the weight of it so much heavier. I wasn't just pregnant. I was single.

And I didn't see God anywhere.

I begged for peace and freedom from fear. I begged for God to just consume me and cover me. But for a while felt nothing. I finally had to get out from under the weight of my secret and told one of my dearest friends. He listened without judgement and promised to pray me through it. For the first time, the weight began to lift. Shortly after that, I told my parents, then my grandparents. All who reacted with more grace than I could have ever imagined possible. And the weight lifted a little more.

Slowly but surely I shared my news with friends and family. And the more I shared, the more excited I became about this baby growing inside of me. And the more I prayed, the more I pressed in, the more committed everything in my life to raising the child the way God wanted me to, the more I began to sense Him. In the midst of the absolute toughest road I had walked in my life, I found God.

I found Him in the most real, most personal way. I had seen God my entire life. And I knew Him. But not in a deep, personal, profound way. And at the end of that journey, God gave me the gift that literally saved my future...my precious son.

There were times early on that I literally felt as if God had forgotten me. That He had moved on and left me to handle this alone. There were times that I felt that the "death" of the me before my son was my end, how I would be defined for the rest of my life. But I wasn't defeated.

Fast forward 11 years and I still look back and see ways that God was so ever present that I hadn't realized before. Death in my journey then, didn't mean defeat. It actually meant the complete opposite. It meant new life.

If you're in a place in your journey where you feel there's death, it doesn't mean defeat. IT DOESN'T MEAN DEFEAT. God is ever present. Death does not mean defeat.

Devastation and Miracles

This has been a tragic 24+ hours in Oklahoma. Storm with rain, hail and deadly tornadoes. I'm a total news junkie when it comes to stuff like this. Part of it comes from the simple disbelief of what these storms can do. Part because I know that in the heartbreak, there will be complete and total evidence of God.

Today I was hit completely differently. Today there were reports of a tornado that directly hit a school. A school with children inside. The moment I heard that report, my heart began to ache. My mind immediately went to scared children who want nothing more than to see their parents. My heart immediately went to the moms and dads who sat helpless knowing a tornado was touching down and they weren't with their children. Then, as news breaks and word spreads, to know that your child's school was directly hit. The fear, the uncertainty, the complete and total agony of being separated from your child and not knowing what you'll find when you get to the school.

My heart broke to the point that I began to cry. Cry for the mom who is just beginning the longest minutes, hours of her life as she tries to make her way to her child's school. Cry for the dad who does all he can to protect his family, yet stands fully helpless against this force of nature. Cry for helpless children who just want to be held by mom and dad.

And then the news begins to come that, from that flattened school building, children and school staff are walking out. WALKING out. My tears went from tears of agony to tears of overwhelming gratitude that God provided this miracle in the midst of the devastation. And then more and more stories of miraculous protection. The lady interviewed that said as the tornado tore her house to pieces, she held on to her daughter by her hair to keep her from being pulled away. The people whose homes were destroyed...in all but the place where they huddled for safety. Story upon story of God's protection.

I know not everyone's story has a happy ending. I know there is loss of life. And unmeasurable loss of property, homes, possessions. But I also know there are countless miracles that we will hear of in coming days. Some we may never hear of. But they are there none the less.

Has a tornado ripped through your life lately? Have the remnants of devastation left you searching for any sign of hope? Look closely. It's there. Right now, your miracle may be that you just survived. As the storm clouds clear, look closer. There is evidence of His hand at work everywhere around you. Just past the devastation around you are miracles.

Looking for a way to help the people of Oklahoma? Visit www.hopemob.org to get assistance directly to those impacted by this disaster. Every penny you give goes directly to help. No administrative fees taken...just help and HOPE to those who need it most!

Happy Mother's Day {to my kids}

I'm not a "Hallmark holiday" kind of girl. You know the holidays I mean...the overly commercialized, gift-of-obligation type days. Days like Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day. Don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to them...just to the commercialization that comes with them. And the notion that you should only acknowledge those people, things, occasions once a year.

That being said, here's my Mother's Day wish list.

To my children:

As you grow, don't spend money on gifts for me for Mother's Day. Just live your life well.

Chase hard after God. Pursue Him above all else. Dive into your Bible...even the parts that are crazy boring (like the chapters and chapters of genealogy in the Old Testament.) There are lessons for you in all of it.

Be kind. To everyone. I promise you that even the most unkind person has a story that you don't know. You don't have to be their best friend, but be kind. Always. Be kind to those who are different. Be kind to those with differing view points. For some, your kindness may be the only evidence of Jesus they ever see. It counts. Be kind.

Practice gratitude. Be intentional with gratitude. You aren't entitled to anything. The blessings you have could be gone as quickly as they came to you. You'll take them for granted...the reality is, we all do. But always show gratitude.

Own your mistakes. You're going to make them. We all do. I do. More often than I'd like to admit or that you probably realize. But when you do, own it. Don't blame others. Don't lie about it. Just own it. Then learn from it.

Forgive with grace. And let it go. People will hurt you, betray you. And the law won't let me handle it the way I'd like to, so you have two choices. Hold on to the offense. Or forgive. The right choice is ALWAYS to forgive. Release yourself from the hurt. When it's hard to forgive (and it will be) remember what Jesus did to give you forgiveness. You can do it. You have to do it. Then let it go. Don't ever let bitterness or resentment take hold in your heart. Ever.

Pursue your passion. God will place something in your heart that just makes you feel alive, that gives you purpose. When you figure out what that is, pursue it with everything in you. Don't chase someone else's dreams or passions or plans for you. Follow God's path for you. Even if it seems crazy. Even if everyone around you thinks you're crazy. Pursue what God leads you to. You will be happy, fulfilled and totally blessed.

Never ever compromise your beliefs or your standards. Because you love Jesus, you're life will look different than a lot of your friend's. That's ok. Anyone who pressures you to compromise isn't a friend. And isn't worth your time. Stand firm. You will NEVER stand alone. Dad & I will stand with you. ALWAYS.

Be unapologetically YOU. God made you exactly the way you are. He didn't make you to be a duplicate of anyone else. Embrace your quirks. Embrace the things that make you different. Be fully confident in who God created you to be.

Guard your heart. Choose wisely those you allow to be close to your heart. Not every friend will be worthy of access to your heart. When you begin dating (although I'm in complete denial that this will actually ever happen), be picky. Have high standards. Don't give your heart freely. It's more fragile than you think. Never never never give your heart to someone that doesn't put God first. If God's not first, that person will never give you the priority that you deserve. Be friends first. If you're not treated well as a friend, you'll never be treated well as a boyfriend or girlfriend.

To my son. Treat girls with respect. Avoid girls always involved in drama. If she doesn't seek to embody all that is Proverbs 31, don't trust her with your heart. When you do finally have a girlfriend (seriously, in total denial that this will ever happen), treat her heart as the fragile, precious treasure it is. Be a gentleman. Open her door. Use your manners. Tell her she's pretty...not hot, not sexy...pretty.

To my daughter. Hold tightly to your values, your standards. If a boy isn't following hard after God, he's not good enough for you. Be slow to give your heart. Not every boy that shows interest in you can be trusted with your heart. It's a precious, fragile thing and should be treated as such. Never never never doubt your self worth. Never compare your beauty to what the world calls beautiful. You are beautiful.

You will have dark, difficult roads to face. There will be times in life that just plain suck. But even in those times hold fast to two unwavering truths: 1. God is always there and always will be. 2. Dad & I will always be here. Cling to God and lean on those that love you most. You'll get through it. I promise.

Know how you drive each other crazy? Remember that even though sometimes you each wish you could trade the other in for a new furry pet, your greatest advocate and defender in this life is your sibling. You won't always like each other. And that's ok. But remember, your brother, your sister will be the first to come to your defense. And will probably be the first call you make when you're all grown up and have news to share. You've been given a gift in having each other.

Laugh often. Be silly. Dance like you're Justin Timberlake, even if you really look like Elaine from Seinfeld. Have fun. Make fun happen. Enjoy this life God has blessed you with.

See, if you do these things, you will live a happy, fulfilled, blessed life. And that, kids, is the best gift you could ever give your mom. So live these things every day. And every once in a while buy your mom a cup of coffee.