Nothing to Be Afraid Of

Change is something I don't do well.  It's like a 4-letter-word that's really 6 letters long.  I like predictable.  I like routine.  I like order.  I like control.  Or at least that's how I've lived a lot of my adult life.  Sometimes to the point that I'll stick with the "normal" simply because change is so intimidating to me.  I've been like one of those people in a bad relationship that stays simply because the comfort of the familiar is less intimidating that the fear of the unknown.  My well laid plans, my wants, my needs (and my plans for how to get there) all neatly laid out in my heart and my iCal...even if the unknown shows great potential for being better.

Over the last several months, God has really be crafting a change in my heart.  A change that has made me begin to appreciate and maybe even welcome change in my life.  Sometimes change is painful.  It's cutting away relationships, habits, lifestyles that have become something less than God's best for us.  Sometimes change is just plain uncomfortable.  It forces us to look at ourselves and really see those areas that fall miserably short of God's best.  Sometimes change is overwhelming.  A change in jobs, career paths, locations, finances that seems to be to great of a risk.

Whatever the change, God is working in me to help me see the benefit of the change.  If God has placed a vision or a dream in my heart or yours, there's a reason for it.  And a plan for it.  But it's not my plan.  If God has lined out 10 steps (or even just one step) to take to bring me closer to a fulfilled dream, there's a purpose.  And my mind doesn't have to fully understand or grasp it to take the step.

I think that all to often as Christ followers we tell God we want to follow Him.  We tell Him that we want what He has for us.  We tell Him that we want to be a part of His plan.  But we don't move in His direction because we want to do all of those things on our terms.  We want to follow God's plan as long as it doesn't shake up our routine too much.  We want to follow God's plan as long as it doesn't cost us too much.  We want to follow God's plan, but only if He'll lay out the whole road map first.

Or maybe just I do that.

Over the last few months I've allowed God to bring me contentment (because, let's face it, He's had it there for me all along) with just knowing what the next turn on that road map is.  Even if I can't see anything beyond that turn.  He's shown me time and again that simply trusting Him and obeying Him is the greatest source of routine and order that I can have in my life.  Because it's His plan, not mine.  He's shown me that His change, although uncomfortable and somewhat intimidating at times is nothing to be afraid of.  The true place of fear should come from NOT following the path He has for me.  He's shown me that the reward for stepping into change as He directs is so much greater than fear trying to hold me back.  He's reminded me that Jeremiah 29:11 isn't just for encouraging others, but for me as well!

Falling From My Throne

Have you ever taken a look at someone else’s mistakes or failures and allowed no room for grace? Judged them so harshly that you put yourself above them, or at least above what they’ve done? Or maybe I’m the only one who’s done that...or at least will admit it.

Here’s the thing, I’ve always worked so hard to stay out of the judgement seat because there have been plenty of times in my life that I could have been judged harshly. But every once in a while, I climb up there like it’s a throne. This week, God sent me tumbling down off of that throne of judgement.

A few years ago, through someone’s idle gossip, I was made aware of someone’s very public shortcomings. I didn’t know the person, just of them. But I made a decision about that person that has stuck. It has stuck to the point that when chances have come about that I could get to know this person for myself, I’ve completely avoided it...in judgement of what I’ve heard. Until this week.

This week, circumstances put me in a position that not only allowed me the opportunity to get to know this person, but forced me to. Shortly into our first conversation, God let me see that the tumble from that throne I’d placed myself on wasn’t going to be pretty. The more I talked to this person, the more I found we had in common. The more we talked, the more I saw what a genuinely good person this was. The more we talked, the more God allowed me to remember the times that I’ve fallen horribly short and have been extended abundant grace. The more we talked, the more I realized the lack of grace I had not only with this person, but with others. The more we talked, the more I recalled the amount of grace I’ve been given by my Father.

I’m not gonna lie...that was a painful fall from that throne of judgement. But God’s grace was there waiting to somewhat cushion the fall. I’ve learned this week that God’s correction isn’t fun...or easy...or pain free. Well, I’ve already know that part. But this week, for the first time, I found myself almost immediately grateful for the chance to grow...for the chance to change. And the chance for a new friendship...without judgement.

Remember

Communion has been part of my life for as long as I can remember.  First Sunday of every month, communion is served.  It's always a special time.  An honoring time.  A remembering time.  But for the first time, on the first Sunday of this month, there was something new.

We always remember the broken body of Jesus.  We always remember his spilled blood.  And we always remember the symbol of our sin nailed to the cross.  Just that is overwhelming, humbling.  But this time, God spoke something else to my heart.

When Jesus went to that cross that day over 2,000 years ago, it wasn't just my sin nailed there that day.  The hurts that I would face, the disappointments in my life, my failures, my struggles, my lost dreams...they were all nailed there that day, too.  Every single hurdle, obstacle, brick wall and closed door went to that cross with my sin.  Jesus didn't only carry the weight of my sin, he carried the weight of my life.  And yours.

Jesus didn't only pay the price for my sin, he paid the price so that I could walk in victory, in freedom.  He suffered not just so you and I could spend eternity in heaven, but so that we could live a life full of victory, freedom and success in life.  We aren't just free from sin, we're free from the bondage of addiction, failure, discouragement, insecurity.  Those things were all nailed to the cross.

Communion has been part of my life for as long as I can remember.  But now I won't just remember my sin nailed to the cross, I'll remember the weight of all of the things I have carried or will carry nailed there as well.  And leave it there.