Faith Made Real

Three years ago our family experienced what was (and honestly still is) our greatest heart break.  A little way through my second trimester of pregnancy, we lost our little girl.  It was a Tuesday.  To say that the days following were difficult is beyond an understatement.  So many questions.  So much pain.  So lost.  So confused.  So much unexplainable peace.  So much comfort for my shattered heart.  So much that needed healing.

As dark as that Tuesday was, God was ever present and I knew it.  As painful as that Tuesday was, I knew that, if I would just let Him, God wanted to heal my pain.  As difficult as this step in my journey was, I knew that God had a plan.

That was a Tuesday.  The following Sunday, as weak and exhausted as I was, there was something in me that just had to get to a worship service that was happening that evening at our church.  A few songs in, Healer began.  That night, standing there singing this very new-to-me song, I began to feel healing.  I began to feel God at work within me.  I knew that this would not be a short or easy process, but I sang that song believing that the words were for me.  That song became my prayer.  It became my resolve.  When the darkness would start to creep back in, I claimed the words of that song, believing in faith that my healing would come.

Fast forward three years.  I don't know when it happened.  I can't point to a specific day, time, event.  But standing in church just short of three years from the loss of our baby girl, we sang this song again.  As I stood and sang this song, I realized something.  That song has gone from being my prayer, to being my testimony.  That song has gone from being what I believed would happen, to what has happened.  In shaken faith, I sang that song three years ago, but today in firm faith I sing that song.  Today in firm faith, I can say He is (as in, has completed the healing) my Healer.

Sometimes our healing is a slow, long, painful process.  Sometimes our faith that healing can even happen is only the size of a mustard seed.  But thankfully that mustard seed is all it takes.  That mustard seed prayer of faith (I believe you are {going to be} my Healer), prayed over and over and over again, slowly grows.  And without even realizing it sometimes, the prayer of faith becomes a testimony.  Your faith is made real.

Night Light

I have a really hard time seeing in the dark.  It's ridiculous.  Even with the light that normally illuminates the night, I can't see anything.  We have a standing rule (okay, I have a standing rule): a bedside light or the TV has to stay on until I'm in bed.  If not, it's almost a guarantee that I'll end up with a bedtime injury of some kind.  It sometimes makes driving difficult.  The time that it is actually the worst is walking down my front walk or driveway at night.

We have lights on the side of the house, by the driveway.  And on the front porch.  But they don't illuminate very far.  On the rare occasion that I have to go to the mailbox or walk a trashcan to the curb after dark, I usually take a flashlight.  Because my eyes just don't adjust and I can't see my feet, much less the random deer, tree or anything else that's in my path.  When I forget the flashlight, the darkness seems to just surround me, consume me, almost suffocate me.  The farther I walk from the light, the darker it gets.  Step by step, the darkness increases.  I literally count the steps until I reach the curb or end of the walk.  Because then I can turn around.  As soon as I turn around I can see the light.  When I'm facing the light, I can see enough to know pretty well what's around me.  My path gets brighter the closer I get.  And once I get to the light, I can see everything.  Clearly.

I think our spiritual lives are a lot like this.  We know that staying in the Light is what's best.  We know that as long as we walk in the Light, we'll clearly see what lies in our path.  We know that the Light will show us any hazards that are in our way.  Yet we still sometimes walk towards the darkness.  Sometimes it's just a step or two and then we step back in the Light.  But other times we continue to walk deeper and deeper into the darkness, until darkness is all we see.  Until the light is no where in front of us.  Until we're spiritually tripping, falling, suffocating in the darkness around us.

There's good news in that overwhelming, suffocating darkness.  If you turn around, you'll see the Light.  It may just be a small glimmer at first.  But the closer you get to it, the brighter it gets.  The more your path is illuminated.  The more those obstacles, hurdles and hazards are visible.  This time you bypass them because walking (or running) towards the light allows you to see the danger.

The brighter we allow the Light to be in our lives, the more clearly we see everything.  As soon as we begin to step into the shadows, turning our back away from the light, our path, our purpose, our mission becomes less clear.  Stay in the Light.  Stay on the bright path.  Then you can leave the night light at home.

Battle for the Mind

A friend of mine recently started a book club and the first book was Joyce Meyer's Battlefield of the Mind.  Because of different things going on, I wasn't able to participate in the book club, but I was able to do a two week devotional based on the book.  It was a great reminder of the power that our thoughts hold.

Since completing that devotional I've tried to be very conscious of what's on my mind, where my thoughts lead me.  And I've become keenly aware at how easy it is for my mind to start with one small thought and end up totally lost on a trail that is then effecting my emotions.  I've found myself thinking just one small thought that, on it's own, is nothing.  But where that thought leads is negative.  One thought will bring up a hurt that was long ago forgiven, but now stirs emotion.  One thought will create a string of thoughts that lead to emotion about something that hasn't even happened...but in my mind I allowed to happen.

I'll be honest.  At first I was a little taken aback at the realization of what my mind does to me.  I honestly thought I had a pretty good "thought" life.  What I've learned through this short journey is that my mind really is a battlefield.

The enemy knows that if a single thought is planted and allowed to grow, he can completely sideline my day.  I've found myself a lot over these last weeks spending more time in prayer than usual.  Not over things going on, but just on things in my head.  I've found myself literally exercising II Corinthians 10: 5 (I destroy every claim and every reason that keeps people from knowing God.  I keep every thought under control in order to make it obey Christ.) on almost a daily basis.

I've also found great power in knowing that those thoughts are not His thoughts about me, about my life, about my family, about my future.  I've found great power in knowing that those thoughts, with just a prayer, are in complete submission to Him.  I've found that my mind is the biggest battle that I will ever fight against.  And I've found that I will continue to win the battle, in Him.