A Heart Like His...

Wednesdays are by far our most hectic afternoons & evenings.  From the time school is out at 3 it's a mad dash to get places on time.  Yesterday was no different.  Payne came home from school, got his homework done and we quickly left for gymnastics for Miss Addison.  As per our usual Wednesday ritual, we grabbed 2 Lunchables for the kids on the way out the door.  There's no time to "stop" for food between gymnastics and church.

We went to gymnastics and hurried out as soon as it was done so that I could grab my regular Wednesday-evening-pick-me-up cup of coffee and still arrive at church semi-on time.  When we took the exit for the church, we hit the light red.  Immediately I noticed a homeless man in the shoulder.  His eyes were captivating.  He looked so hopeless and my heart hurt for him.  That's not really normal for me, as I'm typically very skeptical of those who hold the homeless signs on the side of the road.

I immediately started trying to figure out what I could give him.  The only cash I had was the gas money to get us home.  I guess Payne could tell I was looking for something because he asked me what I was doing.  I told him that I was trying to find something to give to the homeless man.  My precious son immediately offered up his Lunchable.  I was certain the light would turn, as we had been sitting there for quite some time, but I rolled down the window.

As we were about to call out to him, the truck behind us flagged him over and gave him some money.  Then we grabbed his attention.  Since it was Payne's idea and Payne's Lunchable, I wanted him to be able to give it to the man.

He politely thanked us.  I said, "God bless you."  I don't really ever know what to say in those situations, so that's what I said.  The eternally red light, continued to stay red as the man walked back to the curb.  I guess once he got back to safety he looked at what it was that Payne had given him.  He looked back at our car, with this huge smile on his face and waved his thanks again.  His eyes showed something that wasn't there before.  They had hope.

I guess that's why it wasn't me that helped him.  It was a child.  Giving up his dinner.  I think that was more impactful than me having an extra $10 to hand him.  I couldn't help but think of the story of the child with the loaves of bread & fish in the Bible.  He just gave up his lunch willingly without hesitation so that Jesus could minister.  I felt like that's what Payne did last night.

I think the thing that impressed me the most with Payne was that after he gave his dinner away, he didn't even ask what he would eat.  He was so selfless in what he did, in his generosity.  I love his heart.  God has placed such a wonderful heart for others in my boy.

I did stop and get him dinner and an extra little treat.  But I'm still not sure who got the biggest treat last night. The homeless man or me?

Give Your Best Today and I'll Better Your Best Tomorrow

Confession: I have control issues.  Not all around, just in certain areas.  But that part doesn't really matter, does it?

One of the biggest areas I feel those "issues" in my life is in my work at the church.  I try to control and plan everything so that nothing is left to chance, but what I really do is just try to do it my way and then see things not work out like I'd like.  See, I struggle sometimes with being "qualified" enough to serve in the ministry.  I know that sounds crazy, especially when you look at that band of misfits Jesus brought together to be His chosen 12.  But I know my shortcomings, I know my past.  And so does Satan.  So he uses it all to make me insecure.  Then I feel like I have to be in control to be "best".

Something that I've come to realize is that, while I think I'm doing my "best", I'm really just doing what I think is the next best idea to move the ministry forward.  The reason I say "best" that was is that I'm not stopping a lot of the time to ask God what His best is.  Lately I've come to recognize that about myself and have tried to approach the challenges/obstacles/every day with God's perspective as best I can.  And I've seen really positive results.  But inside my head, I still wrestle with the control.

While at C3 2011 one of the speakers, Judah Smith, said something that spoke so deeply to my control issues: "Give your best today, and I'll better your best tomorrow."  He said it was something God spoke to him at a time when he was struggling a bit with the how's of his ministry.  The irony is that Judah Smith wasn't speaking to control issues when he delivered his message.  But that's where it hit me.  Square in my control issues.

It actually allowed me to release my "control" over the ministry things (and some other areas as well) and just trust that if I seek God and give my best, He'll always come through and walk me to that next place.  I don't have to know what the next step is.  I don't have to know where to go next.  I don't have to know where my God given vision will take me.  I just have to trust that as long as I give my best, God will continue to better my best.

It's amazing the weight that lifts off of my shoulders at that thought.  I don't have to be in control.  God is.  And as long as I allow that, my best will be better tomorrow than it was today.  Not because it's my best, but because it's God's best.  So, give your best today, and allow God to better your best tomorrow!

Words of Wisdom...but not from me!

Our church staff spent Wednesday through Friday at C3 2011 at Fellowship Church in Grapevine.  To say that this conference was impactful is an understatement.  I'm certain that over the next days & weeks a number of blogs will come from what God did in me while I was there.  The easiest one to start with is the words of wisdom that I received from the dynamic speakers that spoke into my life in those 3 days.  The quotes are more just in the order I wrote them down in, not the level of impact they had.  And some may not make a lot of sense when you see them, but you'll probably see a full blog on those anyway!

"God promises to reward good works.  If you're good, they will find you.  Let the game come to you, in God's time." --Ed Young

"Leaders set people up for success." --Ed Young

"The popularity contest ended the day you surrendered your life to Christ.  Now you play for an audience of ONE!" --Ed & Lisa Young

"When pride walks on the stage, God walks off." --Ed Young

"Don't let what God has called you to do distract you from what God has called you to do." --Brian Houston

"Don't get distracted by disappointments.  God didn't say offences might come, He said they will come." --Brian Houston

"No mature Christian who is seasoned in the Word has a defendable excuse to live life offended!" --Brian Houston

"It is in the secrecy of your sin that the devil has his power." --Dr. Robi

"Use the talents & gifts God has given you in a creative way where God has placed you." --Kong Hee

"God knows how to find "the one" no matter the size of the crowd." --Steven Furtick

"The voice of doubt will come loudest from within.  It is my own insecurities that will sabotage what god wants to do in and through me." --Steven Furtick

"Don't be afraid, just believe." --Steven Furtick

"God doesn't see death, he sees the opportunity for resurrection.  God doesn't see defeat, he sees the opportunity for a monumental comeback." --Steven Furtick

"You don't have to fully understand to completely obey." --Steven Furtick

"There is no person on earth or devil on hell that can keep you from the greatness God has for you." --Joyce Meyer

"How my life turns out is not dependent on what others do to me or don't do for me." --Joyce Meyer

"God has put greatness in every one of us." --Joyce Meyer

"Do all you can do and let God do what you cannot do." --Joyce Meyer

"If you can't do anything else, WIGGLE!" --Joyce Meyer (Ok, maybe you had to be there for that one, but it's profound, I promise!)

"What are my personal affects going to be when my time is up?" --Joyce Meyer

"If you wanna see God show up, move to a place of obscurity because that's where God gets all the glory." --Shannon O'dell

"Your story is about to change." --Shannon O'dell

"God wants to do more for you than what you are currently asking for." --Judah Smith

"What your God has prepared for you exceeds even your wildest dreams." --Judah Smith

"Jesus chose drinks at a party to first manifest his glory and you question if he cares about your struggles and concerns?!" --Judah Smith

"Give your best today and I'll better your best tomorrow." --Judah Smith

"If you empty out everything that is inside of you, you will go to unprecedented places." --Bishop TD Jakes

"I can buy a good preacher, but I can't buy a great leader." --Bishop TD Jakes

"Get off the boat where it's safe and step into the unfamiliar." --Bishop TD Jakes

"If all you get [out of this conference] is what we teach, you've been cheated.  If while I'm speaking in generalizations, God has given you specifics, then you have been filled." --Bishop TD Jakes

It is written...

My husband & I read a devotion the other night based on Matthew 4:1-11.  Just to sum it up, if you're not familiar with it, this is when Jesus went into the wilderness for 40 days to fast & pray.  Satan tried to take advantage of his physically & mentally weakened state by tempting Him in many ways.  Obviously, Jesus did not succumb to the temptation.  But that's not what struck me about this devotion.  That's what I've always known about it.

Here's what stirred me.  Jesus, being God's son, had the power to call down any power from heaven to "defend" against temptation.  He could have summoned angels.  He could have called down God himself.  He could have caused the earth to swallow Satan up.  But he didn't.  He did something that I can do in any and every day of my life.  He said, "It is written..." followed by Scripture and that gave Him the victory.  Jesus, who has all power, simply quoted Scripture.  And He WON.

I've never seen the significance of that before.  That story has always been an example of prayer & fasting, an example of how Satan will use God's word in distorted ways to lead people astray.  But never as an example of Christ embracing the human and giving us a standard for when we are tempted.  He didn't just fast.  He didn't just pray.  He faced temptation and instead of calling on all of the power of heaven, He chose to give us an example of the power of Scripture.  The power of knowing God's Word.  The power of hiding His word in our hearts.  The power to overcome any temptation that is put in front of us when we call on Scripture.

He simply said, "It is written..."  Each time Satan left him.  Each time the power of God's spoken word alone caused the devil to flee.  I think we as Christians have a wonderful habit of quoting Scripture when healing is being sought, when we're in a desert place, when we're hurting or uncertain about our future.  And those are fantastic habits to have.  But what do we do when we face temptation? We tell ourselves that it's wrong, we fight the urge, that compulsion.  But how often to we go straight to God's word and quote Scripture? How often do we follow the example that Jesus gave us in the wilderness and speak Scripture over the temptation?

As I sit again in awe of Jesus "human" life, I cling tightly to three words that have never meant so much before, "It is written..."

They Say That Confession Is Good for the Soul

You know those moments with God? The ones where you're convinced you're doing everything right, doing all that you need to do and you're questioning God as to why things aren't better or different? Then God shows you that you're the reason things aren't better or different? Then He goes on to show you that your attitude and your mishandled frustration have created a bigger problem than the problem you started with?

Maybe it's just me that has those moments.  Oh and after you've realized that what God's showing you is truth, He takes things one step further and tells you to confess that to someone? It's a humbling, growing, strengthening, rewarding process I've spent the last week in.

I'm grateful for God allowing me to get "low" enough that I was finally willing to see what He was trying to reveal to me.  I'm grateful that after He reveals my weakness to me, He also helps me to refocus and readjust.  I'm grateful for the courage and peace He gives while prompting me to confess my weakness.  And I'm thankful for the grace and kind words extended after confession.

This process of growth that God walks through with me is seldom enjoyable.  I never enjoy the process.  But at the end of the process, I always feel a sense of gratitude for it.  Every time I go through a growth process I'm reminded that I'll never really be done growing.  I'm reminded that God desires the best for me, so to get me to my "best" I'll continue to go through growth.  I also learn a little more every time that the sooner I stop and ask God what my part is, the faster the process ends!

At 32 I've learned there aren't many guarantees in life, but one thing that is guaranteed is that I'm not done growing.

Three Years

Three years.  Three years really is a long time if you think about it.  Three years ago today, I gave birth to a little blue eyed, blonde headed girl that has forever changed my life.  She is the source of most of the comedy in our house and the source of most of my gray hair (but that's a secret between me, Lori & God!).

Addison Lynn Bates, born 2/1/08 has a personality so much bigger than she is!  She's loud, she's funny, she's stubborn, she's precocious, she's loving, she's practical, she does her best to run the show where ever she goes. She challenges me to live a better life so that I give her the best example I can of what a Godly young lady should live like.  She's also the reason I require as much coffee as I do to get through a day.  She diligently reads her Bible and won't let any of us get through the day without reading ours.  And you can't just tell her you did it, she has to SEE it happen.  Daddy can't walk out a door without praying with her.  Payne can't leave to play with friends without giving a hug & a kiss first.  Mommy can't possibly cook a meal without her expertise.  She wants to make sure her shampoo loves Jesus and goes to heaven.  But doesn't want to go to heaven herself because that's not where her house is.  She's a neat freak like no child I've ever seen, but prefers to tell you what needs to be done instead of doing it herself.  She has a quick temper that results in lots of time outs.  She'll squeeze your neck so tightly in a hug that you might not be able to breathe.  But you don't care because you can feel the love coming through that squeeze.  She chooses friends carefully, but already shows fierce loyalty.

She makes every day better.  She's our princess (and she makes sure we all know it!).  And if the rest of our years are as adventurous as the first three, we need to fasten our seat belts now!  Addi, Mommy loves you!  Happy 3rd Birthday!

"It still hurts. Do it again!"

Do you ever have those moments with your children that completely & totally convict you? Today mine was with the 2 year old.  Both kids have been sick the last few days, so this morning when Addi woke up and came into our room, I asked her how she was feeling.  She said her stomach & chest hurt from coughing, so I prayed for her.  Her immediate response was, “It still hurts.  Do it again.” I told her to just give Jesus a minute, that He was working on it.  Her answer? “Jesus not need a minute! Pray again!”

Her expectancy was like a kick in the gut.  I mean, I pray and I believe God can and will do things.  But do I pray and expectimmediate results? The conviction comes into play because often times I don’t pray that way.  I pray for my children to be healed (or my family or friends), but expect that the doctor and medicine will be how we get it.  Then when God does show up and do the miraculous, instant healing, I’m in awe, thrilled, of course.  But truthfully, I’m surprised.  I didn’t expect it.

I know that sometimes a delayed answer is God’s plan because of a path that we’d miss if we got an instant answer.  But I can’t help but wonder how often we go down a longer path because we don’t expect a shorter one?

At the very least, praying with the expectancy that my 2 year old prays with will build more trust & faith in God and His outcome.  And that in itself is huge.  But what if God met us in the place of our expectancy and moved bigger? 

A new goal for this year for me is to pray with the expectancy of my 2 year old.  Then truly expect God to move.

Peppery, Toodles, Skateboards and a Ring Bell

My daughter says the FUNNIEST things.  I really do wonder what goes on in that blonde head of her’s!

One of her favorite shows is Jeopardy.  Every day when it comes on she proudly announces, “This is Peppery!”  I tried once or twice to correct it then decided I like it better her way.

This morning, during our daily Mickey Mouse Clubhouse marathon, I made the mistake of saying “Oh Toodles!” when it was time for Toodles to come out.  Addi looked up at me and said, “You don’t say “Oh Toodles!  You’re too big!”  My mistake…

During the same episode, Goofy was on a skateboard and Addi looked at me and said very matter of fact like, “Mom, Goofy has my skateboard and won’t give it back!” I just looked at her trying to figure out if I should laugh or answer.  She quickly said, “Mom, Goofy said that not my skateboard and he not gonna give it back.  I not like him on Mickey Mouse anymore.  Mickey needs a new friend.”  Through my laughter, I answered and said, “Addi, I think that’s Goofy’s skateboard.”  Her answer? “Well, I guess.  Mine is pink and that isn’t.  He can still be Mickey’s friend…maybe.”  Funny thing is, Addi doesn’t have a skateboard at all!

After all of that, she sat down with a bowl of cereal and very emphatically said, “Mom, if the somebody rings the ring bell, I’m not going to answer it.  People can’t see us in our pj’s!”  The ring bell is the doorbell, in case you were wondering.

All of this and it’s not even 10AM yet!

Daniel Fast

Our family, along with our church, is almost half way through our third Daniel Fast.  This Fast challenges me every time we do it.  This time the challenge has come more spiritually than on the food side.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m struggling without my coffee, but my battle is spiritual this time.

During our first fast 2 years ago I miscarried.  At the time it was totally God timing that it happened during the Fast because we had drawn so close to God during the first 2 weeks that I could literally feel God carrying me through.  This time the Fast is (or was) a constant reminder of what I lost the first time.  The first week was a huge struggle and I can honestly say that if I weren’t on staff at the church, I probably would have just quit.

But this weekend was a breakthrough.  I finally allowed God to do what He wanted to do all along.  The Fast & the miscarriage no longer “connect” for me.  It’s actually something I added to my DF prayer list after we got started.  And it conveniently ties into the message series we have at church for this month: Baggage. 

How often does our “baggage” hold us back from what God wants to do with us, in us, through us? Why do we hold so tightly to that baggage that does nothing but peel the scab off of healing wounds? I don’t understand it, but I know we all do it.  My new prayer for the rest of this fast is for God to reveal other “baggage” that I have so that I can leave it on the platform (you’d have to see our “baggage” covered platform right now to know what I mean).  God is good.  And he wants my baggage!

It's the Little Things

Do you ever sit in awe of the ways God chooses to bless you? Today I was reminded of God’s blessing, yet again!  And that caused me to reflect on similar blessings we’ve seen over just the last few months!

After a year living in our house, we finally got our loft/office space all cleaned out & organized.  Then decided we should finally buy an office chair to go with our desk.  I ran to Staples today after church to grab a chair that I had seen on sale just a couple of weeks ago.  Got there and it was still on sale for $10 less than the list price.  Perfect!  Just what I was planning on.  But God had another plan.  I went to check out and my total didn’t seem right (I had grabbed a couple of other things, too) but the cashier assured me it was.  After I got to the car, I pulled out my receipt to see why the total was so much less than I expected.  Our chair, advertised as $10 off, was actually $36 off!  I know that some who read this may not see it as God’s blessing or provision, but you’ll never convince me of that.  See, for me, when God moves in those “small” things, it reminds me that the “big” things are nothing to sweat.

Just before Christmas I had another one of those unexpected blessings.  I had seen a picture at a Christian book store that I immediately was enamored with.  I checked the price and thought the $150 being asked for it was reasonable, but didn’t buy it then.  We still had Christmas shopping to do!  I figured I’d see if I ended up with any Christmas money and then go back and buy it.  Not too long after, my father-in-law sent us all money for Christmas.  Plenty from that to go buy my picture.  Plus I had a 30% off coupon!  But I didn’t go right away.  The Saturday before Christmas I decided to brave the shopping center and finish off our Christmas shopping.  My first stop? The Christian book store!  I went in, asked the salesman to get my very large picture off the wall and went to pay.  When I got to the register, and got my total I was shocked.  For that one day only my picture was 50% off.  Plus I still got to take my 30% off of that!  Just another “small” thing that shows me again that God is taking care of us.

Those are just 2 examples of things the last few months.  We’ve had prescription discounts that we didn’t even ask for, doctors decide not to bill us, gifts that were totally unexpected…the list goes on.  I know these blessings seem to all be financial, but it goes deeper than that.  It’s a reminder that God is in control.  It’s a reminder that God doesn’t just concern himself with our “necessities” but also cares about the desires of our hearts.  It’s a reminder that God meets us where we are.  It’s a reminder that God provides in the most creative of ways and a lot of times not in ways we expect. It’s a reminder to, as the beautiful picture that now hangs above my couch says, “Be still and know that I am God”

God wants to bless us in every area of our life.  "What's the price of a pet canary? Some loose change, right? And God cares what happens to it even more than you do.  He pays even greater attention to you, down to the last detail-even numbering the hairs on your head." Matthew 10:29-30 (MSG)

Kick Off!

Well, I did it.  I stuck to the decision I made a few weeks ago to start blogging after the first of the year.  And I even started it on the 1st!  Not bad!

I’m starting this with a wrap up of our holiday season.  Our Christmas couldn’t have been more perfect.  Over the course of a couple of weekends we were able to be with our entire family and celebrate.  Lots of smiles, laughter, pictures and presents!  But my highlight of Christmas didn’t come wrapped in a box with a big bow or stuffed in a Christmas “sock” (as Addi calls them) or inside of a card.

The highlight of my Christmas was Christmas Eve.  We had a beautiful candlelight communion service at church with incredible music.  As I sat and watched my husband sing with and sing lead with our worship team, I was moved and reminded of how blessed I am to be married to a man who loves God so much.  And leads our family in that love.  Then, as our worship team led us in David Crowder’s “How He Loves Us”, I looked to my left to see my precious 8 year old Payne singing with both hands raised high.  The sight immediately brought me to tears and my heart was overwhelmed with joy.  To me, there’s no greater gift than seeing my family worship.  My heart is truly full!

Our Christmas day was fabulously lazy!  We woke up, opened presents then I cooked breakfast for everyone while the kids tried out all of the new toys!  A little rest, then we spent the evening with the most amazing group of cousins ever!  And found out we’ll have one more cousin to add to our family next Christmas!

Our day after involved a wonderful church service and pajamas in pre-school!  Then a trip downtown.  My first friend, Stacia Fewox (we’re only 3 months apart in age and have been friends our entire lives) was in town for a few short days visiting family, so we made the trip downtown to see her.  We had such a blessed time!  Introduced Stacia to Chad & the kids, enjoyed some Starbucks (I’m sure you’ll find Starbucks as a common theme in these posts) and got to catch up!  For Payne, the highlight was that Stacia was staying at the same hotel as the OSU football team.  After getting a few autographs over the course of 45 minutes or so, Payne met a coach who set him up!  As the rest of the team made their way to the lobby each player gave Payne an autograph.  He was on cloud 9!

Then, to top that all off, we were blessed with two tickets to the Alamo Bowl where Payne & Chad were able to go watch OSU!  

We rang in the new year quietly.  Both kids in bed by 9:00, us in bed around 11 and struggling to stay awake until midnight.  We made it, by the way!

So, now that I’ve officially started posting, I’m hoping I keep up with it.  I hope that our daily lives will make you laugh, give you hope and inspire you in some way. Until tomorrow (I hope) happy 2011!